Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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