everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
