We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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