i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
