Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
