I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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