there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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