Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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