the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this is an emotional support booty call
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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