your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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