She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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