I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
