sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
