I just pynch a tree in the face
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
