How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
