Don't make out with my wife yet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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