I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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