DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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