Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
