is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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