Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
