i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
