she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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