thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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