May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
