i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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