HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
