He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You pole danced in your parka.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
