i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
