I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
