you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
