he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
