i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
