Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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