how can u be prego again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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