We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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