pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
