Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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