Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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