So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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