hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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