Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
