before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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