We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
