She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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