I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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