I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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