things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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