youre lurking in front of me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
