I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
