By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will be naked everywhere
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
