It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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